Ethics of Love and Sex Magick

When new Witches first head out on the Pagan path, they are concerned about doing the right thing, as they should be. But even if you're not a new Witch, the question of whether a spell is ethical should at least cross your mind before performing it. True magick is not white or black, but gray.... even when a spell does not seem ethical without knowing the context, there is always a time and a place to perform a spell if the right reason or intention is behind it. For example, everyone has a right to protect themselves. So a spell binding a person from doing harm to you, or banishing a person from your life.... although it is a serious and darker form of magick, is ethical if someone is doing or intends to do you or your family harm.

I recommend the book The Witch's Shield by Christopher Penczak, for information on magick for self-defense.

I'm focusing this post on love and sex magick because I often get curious inquiries from people who are interested in doing these types of magick. When I was in college, a housekeeper in my dormitory, upon hearing that I was a Witch, immediately came to me desperate for a "love" spell. She wanted me to make her current boyfriend, who apparently had a wandering eye and heart, "obsessed" with her, to the point that he would not see or talk to any other women. I had to explain to her that it could be done, but that I would not do such a spell for her. What many people don't understand, since they know that magick can help you manifest things you want in your life, is that love magick does not work the way one desires it to work. Whatever spell a Witch performs, the effect or outcome is multiplied three times. If you perform a spell for the wrong reason and to control someone's will, you will receive the repercussions three fold. It may appear to work and have the outcome you desire at first, but you will eventually reap what you sow. Karma does not always return right away, but when it does and you do something "wrong", you must brace yourself for what is to come. If I had done the spell the housekeeper wanted, I would not have been able to live with myself....I have no doubt that harm would have come to her and possibly to me as well. If a spell's effect returned three fold and she wanted him obsessed with her.... she would have needed to eventually make a 911 call.

Love spells can be done in an ethical way, and that is to find the person who is right for you. You can picture someone with the qualities you would like in a mate, but not a specific person (this is very hard to do if there is someone in your life you really feel strongly for). You cannot do a spell to make a specific person love you, it just doesn't work. Love is a very subjective, personal and often spiritual feeling, and that person has to either feel it for you or they don't. If you do a spell for a specific person to fall in love with you.... you will not receive love by that person, you will receive lust and an attraction to you that they will not be able to control or know why it is occurring. It is definitely an interesting effect if you want to "enchant" someone for a time and you are looking for a one night stand. But as all of us could probably agree.... when you LOVE someone, lust might be wonderful and enjoyable for a while.... but it is not love. If you perform a spell like this.... be mindful that lust is all you will receive. It also has the unfortunate side effect of making reciprocated love either not at all possible or increasingly unlikely. Because you have performed an unethical spell involving the bending of someone's will.... the experience you have with the person is likely to end abruptly and painfully emotionally. In short, in my personal opinion, love spells aimed at a specific individual, are not worth the pain they bring upon those involved.

Sex magick is another type of magick that should be researched and used with only the right intention. Sex involves very strong and powerful energies exchanged between the individuals involved. It is a high form of self-expression and a very powerful magickal tool. Ideally sex magick should be performed with a willing and understanding partner. NEVER allude the person you are performing sex magick with.... always communicate and explain your intentions. This type of magick has the power to not only help you manifest things you want in your life... but it can bring the partners closer together and create a spiritual union.

Sex magick works in much the same way that "releasing the cone of power" does in any other magickal ritual.... this is the act in which you release your intention to the universe after a spell is performed. In sex magick, it is not necessary to perform a formal ritual beforehand.... the sex itself becomes the ritual. All acts of love and pleasure are rituals, and sex is the most powerful ritual there is.

Communication is key and at the core of the ethics of sex magick. Sit down with your partner ahead of time and discuss your intention for the ritual. Both of you must agree on the intention and purpose. Discuss specific things you will do during the act in order to help you focus on the intent. Discuss how you will set the mood when performing sex magick to signify that you are performing ritual, and creating a sacred atmosphere (some people light candles and incense beforehand to create a ritual space). This type of magick is particularly effective when its something the both of you, as a couple or partnership, want in your lives together....rather than one person wanting something. The want could be material possessions, but this type of magick I personally feel should be reserved for the non-material. A strengthened bond, a psychic connection, healing after a painful experience, etc. are all wonderful goals. Before ritual, you may find it helpful to call upon specific gods and goddesses associated with your purpose, or those gods and goddesses you have established relationships with. During sex, both of you should agree to visualize the goal and the outcome. Orgasm is the release of your intention to the universe. If one partner has difficulty with achieving orgasm, the other partner can agree to release the intent on behalf of the couple. The ritual can be performed multiple times to maximize a successful outcome. I believe it is a particularly bonding experience to perform the ritual once for completely focusing on the intention, and then again after rest and nourishment to "thank" each other for participating, and celebrating the success of the ritual. After all, it is the love (or special bond) between you which made the ritual possible in the first place... celebrate each other, the deity within both of you, and your bodies which serve to bring both of you pleasure. We are the God and Goddess personified, and are capable of incredible feelings and accomplishing miracles together.

Unfortunately I have found that many Witches have partners who are not supportive of their magickal endeavors (myself included, for as long as I have practiced Witchcraft).... if you are lucky enough to have the type of relationship where you can at least discuss your magick openly, embrace and celebrate that relationship. If you are lucky enough to have a partner who is willing to perform sex magick with you.... do it often! It will certainly enhance your bond and your lives.

You can of course, alternately if you do not have a willing partner, perform sex magick by yourself. This is done via masturbation rather than sexual intercourse. This can be a particularly powerful way to manifest something you want personally, and it adds an extra surge of power to any spell. The ritual is performed much the same way.... visualize your intent during the act of pleasure, and your orgasm is the release of your intent to the universe. If you do have a partner and they are in the vicinity, be sure to communicate with them and explain what you are doing so that they will not be hurt that you are "performing" without their involvement. Try to be open and explain without hurting feelings.

Both love and sex magick CAN be performed ethically. It's important to examine your reasons for wanting to perform those types, and what your true will and desire really is. Then craft a spell or ritual that really gets at the root of your true desire, and harms no one in the process. When performing a ritual with a partner, be sure to communicate your intentions so as not to hurt any feelings, and strengthen your relationship by focusing on a shared goal.

Above all.... have fun and enjoy the process!

Blessed Be!