Chapter 9 Excerpt, In a Perfect World

My eyes wandered to some shrubs that I suddenly noticed had feet. The most perfect bare feet belonging to a man that I had ever seen in my life... and I knew it was him. I peaked around the shrubs to see him laying in the grass. He was nearly passed out... with several bottles around his head like a crazy halo.  He was wearing a burgundy Hawaiian shirt and tan pants. I always made fun of that shirt... I told him it looked like someone threw up hibiscus flowers.

"I'm so trashed", he said.

"On wine coolers? I doubt it!" I said, just trying to joke with him.

"No, it was the six mixed drinks I had before these four wine coolers that got me trashed."

"Obviously."

I laid down in the grass beside him and rested my head against his shoulder. He smelled my hair.

"You always smell so damn good", he said.

"Thanks. Did you enjoy poisoning yourself this evening?" I asked.

"I have to keep my reputation as a drunken idiot", he said.

"You're not an idiot...you're an amazing person who happens to be losing brain cells right now."

"You want me to change, don't you?" He asked.

"Not unless you want to, I love you for who you are." And just as I finished that sentence, I was startled by just how much I meant it... I really did love him for who he was. And he loved me for me as well... what a refreshing change.

I stood up and held out my hand. He grabbed on and I helped him stand up. He almost toppled over slipping into his sneakers.

"Why am I always either putting you to bed or taking you to bed?" I asked.

"I'm not good for anything else" he said.

I remained holding his hand, and guided him inside and up to his bedroom.


He laid down on the bed, I sat at the edge, and I took off his shoes, and put a plaid fleece blanket over him.

"Déjà vu", I thought to myself.

I stood up and started to leave...everyone would start to wonder where I was.

He grabbed my hand.

"I don't want to sleep in a bed you're not in. Stay with me", he said softly. I could see so much sadness in his eyes.

I sat at the edge of the bed again and rested my head on his chest.

"I can stay for a few minutes", I said.

He rubbed my back. I could feel his heartbeat slowing, and I knew very soon he would be out like a light.

"I feel like we're always taking a step forward, and then back again", he said. "Back and forth. It's like we're dancing."

"We are", I said.

That night asleep on a sofa, 1.5 hours away from where the man I loved was sleeping... I had a beautiful dream. He took my hand In front of everyone, and in the middle of a huge wood living room floor... we danced. At first I kept stepping on his feet. But after a minute or two... we found our rhythm. I felt very free, and so happy to be with him without having to hide. It was probably the most pleasant dream I had ever had.

Well...almost.

©Carrie-Ellen as Kat Matheson, 2009-2011, Picker Penguin Press