Worth

I recently came out of a relationship, so the above photo rings true for me....I'm doing my best to adopt this as my new motto for relationships.

Very seldom have I had the opportunity to date someone who wanted to be a full time boyfriend to me.  The only one who did, I ended up marrying.

The relationship I just came out of was great in the beginning....but that person wasn't willing to put as much time into the relationship as I was.  In the end, I proved to not be as important to him as I hoped or thought I was.

I think I need to take the opportunity to examine why that is, and why I frequently settle for men who are not willing to give as much as I do in a relationship.  Perhaps I give too much or trust too much, and that scares away men who would make good partners for me?  I am not sure.

I guess one thing is for certain....as much as I would really like to find someone special, I need to take some time out for myself.  Perhaps stop giving and caring so much for others who don't return the same.  At least for a while.

The sad thing is that I have very few friends.... and those who really do care I don't see as often as I would like.  However, those I care a great deal for and who I trust the most are people who don't seem to care at all....or care as much.

I am having a difficult time facing the fact that I really only have myself to rely on.  I wish I had a friend who I could talk to regularly, and hash out life's difficulties.  But I don't.  I frequently try to work on myself and do things that make me happy and a better person..... but sometimes I have to ask myself why.  It doesn't seem to be for any other person other than myself.   What is the point of introspection when what I learn just stays inside?

Am I worthy cause?

Sometimes I wish I could fast forward to the next life.  This one doesn't seem to be holding anything great for me.